My dissertation baby is a trooper....he just chills on the pillow while I type over him....sometimes......These past few weeks have been insane....well, it's been insane since about 2/15/06....but I've definitely taken it up a few notches over the past few weeks. 5 days from now I am required to submit my complete final dissertation draft to my committee. I have been working night and day (while not nursing or changing diapers) to meet this deadline. As is usual, the imposition of a deadline (not my own) finally got my ass into gear to finish. I have been getting little to no sleep at all...maybe 2 -3 hours a night...and I'm NOT a zombie...yet....which is strange. Here is where I think that 6 weeks with a newborn conditioned me to need no sleep at all. A good thing; for now. Been drinking too much coffee, been sleeping in my clothes, grossly neglecting household duties...indulging in my sweets addiction because that's what I do when I'm stressed...and this project is hell, I have to say, it's tedious and brutal and I have to think alot harder than I'd like to be right now..but somehow I'm getting it done despite myself. I spent a lot of time doing the mindless, time-consuming formatting and the hateful tables, and the umpteen pages of references....all mindless, but so time-consuming. Now I'm let with the part where I have to think REALLY hard, to tie it all together, to explain what I did and why, and why it means something. I just closed my eyes and jumped in...I'll see what I've written when I look again in the morning...I'm just too tired to read right now........Anyway, it's 2:30am and I am rambling, I realize...but I really see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally- 6.5 years later...part of me is euphoric..and disbelieving that it's almost over...another part..is, well..ambivalent. Life goes on...I turn in my "paper"...present my findings in a few weeks....get another diploma in another few weeks.....I guess my life isn't really focused on work...or school right now, so the accomplishment is a little lost...I'm wrapped up in diapers, playgroup, late night feedings, time-outs, and trying to help Jacob to feel that his life hasn't been turned upside down while giving Noah the attention that he needs....kind of makes a "dissertation" seem a little silly, now doesn't it? Okay, I'm off for a nap until Noah wakes again....
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