The "Snuggle Buggle"

Some time last fall, out of desire to snuggle with my rarely-still 3 year old, I started "snuggling" with him at bedtime. This consists of he and I cuddling and chatting for awhile before he/we fall asleep. Frequently (but not ideally, I realize), I fall asleep and wake up 30 minutes to 3 hours later...more recently Paul's been getting me after a half-hour so I don't snooze the whole night away (although it is bliss when that happens). So the point of this post isn't to just explain the "Snuggle Buggle" as well call it, but to relay exchanges that Jake and I've had over the past 2 nights. For those who haven't seen him lately, he is in full-on questioning mode...wants to know "why" about everything, and it's quite amazing seeing how he is trying to figure out his world and how we all fit into it. He's been asking alot of questions about God and Jessie and my grandparents, and, while I've been able to circumvent explaining death to him so far, we're right around the corner because he's realizing that something doesn't add up...like, where do these people go, anyway? It's funny, as a psychologist (almost), I know exactly what I'd tell Mrs. Doe, mother of Johnny Doe, about death....but when it comes time for me to tell my own 3 year old...I just don't want to go there. I don't want to scare him....and don't want him to be aware of his own mortality any sooner than he has to. But boy oh boy, isn't that MY stuff all over the place (psychologist/friends, you know what I'm talking about). I'M just not ready for him to start worrying about what will happen when we are gone......heck, I had to talk to him this week because I found out that he had been saying the f-word at daycare. The f-word! We're boggled as to where he got that from....we (and by we, I mean I) learned my lesson last summer after the "what the hell was that" incident. We'd have to be nuts to think that ANYTHING that we utter around this child will not get back to us. Anyway, we talked to Jake and told him that it was a very dirty word and we did not use it. I told my Dad that I was ready to send him off to Catholic school at this point, when he reminded me that Catholic school is EXACTLY where I learned the f-word...in the 1st Grade, after it had been carved in the bathroom stall!!! But I digress (again and again and again)....I just wanted to share a few snippets from our last 2 snuggle buggles....

Last night:
Jake: (completely out of the blue) "I don't like dinosaurs. Or monsters. Or sharks."
Me: "Well, Jake...you don't have to worry about dinosaurs because the are none on the Earth anymore, and monsters are just pretend, and sharks are only in the water, and as long as you stay near mommy and daddy in the water, you will be safe."
Jake: "There's nothing living under my bed because it's too dark."
Me: (this poor kid...time to get out the "anti-monster" (AKA a squirt bottle filled with water) spray..a stellar idea that I came across to banish monsters hiding in little children's bedrooms... "Jake, there is nothing at all living under your bed. Remember we just cleaned under there and it's empty."
End of discussion.

And tonight:
Jake (looking at his fish tank): "I used to live in there."
Me: "Where?!"
Jake: "With the other fishies when I was a fish."
Me: "Jake, when were you a fish?"
Jake: "I used to be a fish and I swam in the water with the other fishies."
Jake: "The fishies are hungry."
Me: "Jake, Daddy already fed the fish."
End of discussion.

I love, love, love these little moments. He's such an amazing little guy, and I'm so amazed by how his brain works. I know that someday I'm going to have to wean him from the snuggle buggle, and it will suck. But I'm not doing it yet. It's priceless.

Jacob Skiing

Jake and Paul played hookie yesterday and went skiing..Jake's second time...Paul says that he's a natural!

Argh...I just lost my whole post

I hate you sometimes, blogspot!

Okay, brief recap b/c I'm not doing this all over again:

Noah's birthday- great!

I started bootcamp! Also great! www.sarge.com

My SIL, Heather is getting stronger everyday! Follow her story at www.heatherzupdate.blogspot.com

Support Heather and Lymphoma research at www.cafepress.com/heathersteam

Have a great weekend! More soon!

Greetings from Portland, OR

February 9, 2007

So I’m in Portland, OR for the INS Conference where I did my first poster presentation today. I’ll get to that in a minute, but I just got off of a webcam call with Jake, Noah, and Paul (who is now back East), and I’m so sad that I could cry. I’ve had a day and a half of doing generally whatever I want to, and that is a nice change from the marathon that my life typically is. But I’m never away from my boys, and when we hung up just now, I got such a raw emptiness in my stomach. I’ve barely been gone, and I’ll be home in 3 days, but I MISS them. And I’m so far away. I love being their mom ;-)

That said, my poster session was pretty exciting. I had no idea how many handouts to prepare, so I just made 25. And I ran out! So an additional 25 or so folks signed up to receive follow-up emails from me about my research. Very exciting! Many folks stopped by and indicated an interest in the direction of the research, and for a need to publish it. A journal editor gave me his card and suggested that I consider them for publishing my data. That I consider them!? Whoa…that’s pretty exciting, makes my stomach flutter a bit (I’m very visceral today, clearly). And I spoke to the TOVA people who also wanted to see my poster and want more information from me. All in all, made me reconsider my direction in my career. I really do like research, but I’ve always been afraid of it. I guess that’s one manifestation of my inferiority complex- that researchers are so brilliant and I can’t compare. I won’t lie, I know that part of this reluctance on my part is because I feel so statistically inept. Literally. But I got through my dissertation, and I actually understand what I was talking about. And I can think of a ton of things that I’d like to look at (scientific questions), but I just don’t have the resources to do that right now. Or do I? I need to talk to the director of my practice and see about running some data. Oh, the TOVA guy said that I could send him my TOVA outputs….ALL of them…and he would throw them into SPSS for me. How nuts is that? I have to say, while I enjoy the report writing (at my job), the testing (while at times, interesting), often times feels like manual labor. Just because I give the tests so frequently, that I can almost do it automatically. Can read the instructions, and go through the motions while not even thinking about it (like how when you attend mass every Sunday for your whole life, you get to the point where you can recite all of it, and stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up, kneel…without hearing a word that you, or anyone else is saying). It’s like when you’re driving on a road that you’ve driven a million times, and you forget where you are because you weren’t paying attention. Because you don’t have to. Yeah. It’s kind of like that. Anyway, maybe I want to publish more and teach. Maybe I want to do research. Maybe clinical work, at least in my current capacity, is quite numbing. Maybe.

And in closing:
If I hear one more word about Anna Nicole Smith, I'm going to engage in a self-injurious behavior.

Jake's Toy Drum Medley

This is before he got "big drums with cymbals" from Santa. I'm sure that more video will follow!

Train Driver

I would love to sit down and compose some sort of organized compilation of the past three months, but instead, I'm going to do a stream of consciousness thing here (NOT a la Britney Spears..puhlease!)....but I'm kind of disorganized and random in life right now (everything is fine, I'm just not very organized right now), and so my post is going to be the same (not out of design, but because that's just how I am right now!). ANYWAY, a few things I wanted to note:

The other day when I was driving the kids home from school, Jake spontaneously told me that he wanted to be a "Train Driver" when he grew up. No surprise there, right?! He said that he wants to "drive" a blue diesel engine and pull boxcars, oil cars, coal cars, flat cars, and a little red caboose. Very specific. I thought that it was cute. Two days later, he still is forecasting "Train Driver" as his future profession;-)

Long Time No Post

I've been quite out of touch over the past few months (it flew by so quickly, I can hardly believe that is HAS been months!). Quick update for now and more later.

First off, my incredible sister-in-law has started her own blog, www.heatherzupdate.blogspot.com to chronicle her cancer treatment and life in general. Please check it out:-)

As for the kids, Jake is now in the 3-4 year old room at daycare and is loving it. Much more structured and "academic" if you will, but he's doing so well.

In the past week, Noah has pulled up, stood on his own (briefly), and started cruising. He just may be on the move by his birthday (next month!). He seems to be skipping the whole crawling step. Guess he doesn't think that it's necessary.

Paul just got a great new camera, so I hope to upload some new pics soon of the whole fam in action.

Okay, I just spent 30 minutes trying to log INTO this blasted account (long story, couldn't remember user name OR password), had to trial and error it for an annoyingly long time. Anyway, no time for actual writing, but I will have to update soon to discuss the holidays, family happenings, work, friends, the saga of the mice (!), and our upcoming travels this Spring. More later!

Fall Pictures

Cool Slideshows

I love Carville....

"Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between."

-James Carville, quoted in A Democrat for Main Street, The Washington Post, 8/16/06

Get out the vote............AKA wake up and smell the corruption....

from www.restaurantfuel.com....a husband of an acquaintance's blog...who so eloquently put what I haven't been able to put into words:

"Political strategist Lee Atwater once famously told Richard Nixon that the path to victory was dividing the country in half -- and that Republicans would have the biggest half. Whereas Reagan and Bush I went through the motions of building consensus, George W. Bush has spent his entire time in office following the Atwater model. And now we're split, and I wonder if there's any way to reconcile the two halves. Listening to Bush campaign this week for embattled Republican incumbants, I can't help but think that this is a man who knows that he's only President to the Republican voters -- that he doesn't even pretend to be President to the whole country. He and his supporters don't believe that Democrats and non-conservative independents are their countrymen -- they see us as an enemy as irredemable as al Qaeda. It's like we've been split into two nations -- one of right wing extremes, and a disenfranchised one that contains everyone else."

Amen.

YouTube - Jake sings Son of a Sailor

YouTube - Jake sings Son of a Sailor

Two nuggets of funny for the day.....

from my brother:

1. Fart = Funny

2. Everything is better with bacon.

Thanks E.

Life is funny....not funny, "haha"...but funny, "WTF"?

just when things seem like they're going along smoothly....

for starters, my parents' dog, King, vanished into thin air yesterday morning. My Dad let him out at 9am as he does every morning, and King never returned. Mind you, King is nearly 15 years old, fairly deaf, and probably blind, with severe arthritis in his hind legs. He also pretty much stopped eating about a week ago, but for some strange reason, got up and ate a good breakfast yesterday morning..the day that he disappeared. My parents looked for 5 straight hours yesterday around the very small town that they live in (that is bordered by 2 major highways)....and found nothing. The police and fire department have been called, as has every pound and humane society in the telephone book (yes, they still use those in New Alexandria), posted "lost dog" fliers with promise of reward around town, and have dispatched everyone within earshot to find King-o. And nothing. Seriously. Where the hell is the goddamned dog? Yes, King was old, and didn't have much time left to begin with, but we're all worried that he's suffering, and it's pretty sad, to say the least. Paul and I used to joke that King would never die, as he seemed to have 9 lives (he certainly outlived my healthy, spry young pup, Jessie)...and Paul thinks that this is King's final act of defiance..."I may be dead, I may not be...you'll never know". I know, he's just a dog...but those of you who are dog parents, you know that it runs a lot deeper. Poor Kingy......

Other shitty events today as well, but nothing to discuss here. More later..

My sentiments exactly.....

CNN.com - Commentary:�The reality of 'Grey's Anatomy' - Sep 21, 2006

I don't get into TV that much, but Grey's Anatomy rocks. You should check it out if you haven't already!

These probably only amuse me........

Lewis Black (from Silver Spring), on Silver Spring...

"Its only claim to fame is that it's the largest unincorporated city in America. In other words, we were too lazy to govern ourselves. The town motto was, 'I'd like to vote, but I don't feel like driving."

"It's like growing up nowhere."

Lewis Black - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Letting it all hang out.....

This is what I used to look like (yeah, that's me on the right):


This is what I look like now:


Why the photo history? Because I joined Weight Watchers today. The actual meetings...in public...with others like myself. Don't think I ever imagined that I'd be there, but...in the past 10 years...I've gotten married, had 2 children, finished my doctorate.....and gained 75....yes, 75 pounds. My battle with myself over my weight is something that I've typically kept to myself. I can't explain the sudden need for disclosure, but maybe if it's public, I'll be more committed. I know that I can't be a 22 year old hippie again (as I was in the picture), but I can be the active, healthful person that I used to be. It's hard to find the time and motivation and energy to fight the inertia (particularly when Mr. Noah Louis still gets up in the middle of the night), but I want to be fit so that I can enjoy my boys to the fullest and so that I can be a good role model for them...so that maybe they can avoid these battles in their lives. I'm starting tomorrow. Operation Slimdown.

Jacob is SO over meeting new relatives....

Jacob meets his new baby cousin for the first time...


Clearly, he is not impressed...


Perhaps he'll re-evaluate when he realizes that this little guy doesn't live with us!

Ravenstahl Sworn In As New Mayor of Pittsburgh- Yahoo! News

Wow. Ravenstahl is my brother, Adam's, college roommate from Washington and Jefferson.


Ravenstahl Sworn In As New Mayor of Pittsburgh - Yahoo! News

Here are the pictures, Elizabeth!

My dear friend, Elizabeth, requested some new photos of the boys on my blog. I've been so enamoured with the "BlogThis!" function that I've forgotten to update on the happenings of the fam....here goes...in brief...

Noah is sitting up and cutting a tooth and eating solid food (he LOVES his cereal, fruit, and veggies). He also has a cold. Despite it all, he is very happy and smiley and he adores his big brother. We think that he is brilliant.

Paul decided to begin potty training Jacob last Saturday (apparently we have to do the training...I just thought that one day Jacob would come to us and say, "Okay, I'm peeing on the potty today". Not so much how it really works). I have to admit that I was very scared on day 1...scared of the mess that we were going to create in our house and the general inconvenience of not-very-absorbent underwear (Elmo, Spiderman, Cars, and Thomas the Tank Engine tighty-whities, I might add)....and by 1p, we'd been through 6 pairs of pants! However, things improved rapidly, and he is doing exceptionally well! Today...no accidents at all! We've even ventured out of the house twice without incident (I am very afraid that he will pee in my car...hasn't happened!). Anyway, so sorry about all of the potty talk, but any parent...hell, anyone who's changed a diaper can relate to what a banner day it is when you can get a child out of diapers! Also, Jacob has a cold. Daycare. Surprise, surprise. We also think that Jacob is brilliant.

Speaking of daycare, Jake and Noah's school was closed this entire week for "staff training"...as they do every year at this time, but usually we're at the beach so no big deal. Not this year...thanks so much to Mom, who worked 24 hours, then got in the car and drove 4 hours to watch the kids all day..and the next day, before getting in the car to drive 4 hours, go to bed, and work a full day...above and beyond the call of duty...thank you.... and Louise for pinch-hitting today, thanks for all of your help...Paul and I are very excited to send Jake to daycare next week so that they can deal with the potty training..at least during the day!

Not much else happening...we actually have not one plan this weekend...that NEVER happens. Don't know what we'll do with ourselves. Chill with the boys...and I have a fantasy of sleeping in one of the three days....that would be divine! Actually, over the past few weeks, (since Noah's been about 6 months old), our family time has become more relaxed and less chaotic. I'm convinced that the first 6 months with a baby in the house is chaos, pure and simple....but we're heading out of that phase, and Noah enjoys Jake and Jake enjoys Noah, and Noah is a little less dependent on me (just a little)....and we're having a lot of fun. It's all very sweet.

No, that's not a penis pump, Mom. Really - Yahoo! News

No, that's not a penis pump, Mom. Really - Yahoo! News
Good thinking, Einstein.....